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Body of lies

By Lin Shujuan (China Daily)
Updated: 2009-01-12 07:34

A transvestite at a Beijing gay bar. Cui Hao

It's about noon when Wang Bing arrives at Beijing Western Rail Station. The train bound for his rural hometown in Sha'anxi province is scheduled to leave at 7:30 pm.

But the 26-year-old has come to the station several hours early, because he cannot stand waiting alone in his Beijing dwelling.

He's visibly upset.

Wang is headed home to discuss the marriage his parents - like many rural dwellers with children working in the city - have arranged for him. But neither they nor the prospective bride know Wang is both gay and HIV-positive.

Wang managed to postpone his wedding last year but is out of ideas about to what to do now.

Where he comes from, nobody talks about homosexuality or HIV.

"They are taboos - disgraces not only to the individual but also to his family, friends and the community," Wang says despondently.

Wang knows he has to call off the marriage. But what about his parents, who have been looking forward to seeing him settle down with a wife?

"I can't find any reason to let them down," he says.

It's a month before Spring Festival, and the station's waiting room isn't very crowded. But the first trickle of migrant workers, which will become torrential a week before the Lunar New Year, begins to flow in.

Wang appears dismal compared to the other migrant workers, who are checking gift-wrapped luggage and calling home on their mobile phones.

A shocking revelation

Hotline volunteers offer support to homosexual people. Gao Erqiang

A year ago, Wang had a cold that just kept getting worse. After the hospital gave him a blood test, Wang's doctor told him the results showed he was HIV-positive.

The doctor explained HIV is the virus that causes AIDS, and "positive" means he's infected.

"His words startled me like a bee sting, and I stood there totally numb," Wang recalls.

"It took a while for it to sink in, and I started to cry like a small boy."

Medicine cured his cold, and several counseling sessions with doctors helped him overcome his shock.

"I'd thought as long as I didn't think about it, it wouldn't bother me," he says.

He hasn't fallen ill again since but is no longer the outgoing young man he had been.

"I used to call my parents every two days. Now, it's every two months," he says.

"They're very upset, but I can't help it."

Wang now lives in the shadow of guilt and shame that has long cast its pall over homosexuality and HIV/AIDS in China.

The young man discovered he was gay soon after arriving in Beijing to work as a clothes maker. He says he still feels ashamed of his sexual orientation.

Wang believes he must have contracted HIV from one of his male sexual partners.

"What would people think of me if they knew I was gay? How much would it hurt my parents?" he says, fighting back tears.

"What am I going to do now that I have HIV? I simply can't marry anyone."

Shadow of stigma

Wang isn't the only one facing such dilemmas in China, says Xiao Dong, founder and volunteer leader of a team working for HIV/AIDS prevention among homosexual men in Beijing.

"Around this time every year, I would encounter about a dozen gay men, some living with HIV, grappling with similar situations," he says.

Xiao usually suggests they cancel their weddings.

Disclosing the realities of the situation usually isn't advisable, Xiao says, because homosexuality and HIV/AIDS are still stigmatized - even in big cities such as Beijing and very much so in rural areas.

Xiao often suggests they instead pursue educational or career advancements that provide excuses to postpone or call off their weddings.

He has even drafted fake work contracts with clauses forbidding employees to marry for a certain period of time after they're hired for the men to show their families.

"Hepatitis B is sometimes also an effective excuse for gay men or those living with HIV/AIDS," Xiao says.

"People won't push you into marriage if you are infected with hepatitis B, and, because it's a disease, family and friends will be sympathetic.

"But they might be ashamed of you if you tell them you're gay or that you have HIV/AIDS."

Zhang Ke, a doctor from the Beijing-based You'an Hospital who has worked for HIV/AIDS treatment and prevention for more than a decade, says: "It's not uncommon to find a person who is both gay and living with HIV/AIDS.

"From my experience as a doctor, I would say this demographic is most eager for a HIV/AIDS cure."

But even if a cure was found, it wouldn't be the end of the troubles people like Wang face, Zhang says.

"This isn't only a medical issue but also one of social tolerance. It'll take longer to develop a cure for the stigma than it will for the virus."

Xiao, who is also gay, agrees.

"Honestly, all the suggestions I've given people like Wang are just compromises and temporary solutions," he says.

"We hate to lie, but we have no choice."

Although the government is showing greater tolerance for homosexuality, "that's by no means the ultimate goal. We hope we can get more attention from both from the government and the public but not just because we are at high risk for HIV/AIDS," he says.

"I hope one day, I can happily hang out hand in hand with my boyfriend and receive greetings from passersby.

"I wish all people, including gay men, could live healthy lives in a tolerant and harmonious society. This is my dream."

On the night Wang arrived home, his parents pressured him to accept the arranged marriage.

He sent a mobile phone message saying: "What am I going to do?"

On the third night, he sent another message: "I told my parents I had a girlfriend back in Beijing and would like to call off the marriage they arranged for me.

"They aren't so worried anymore.

"I don't want to think much about the future; I'm grateful as long as I can deal with the present."

(China Daily 01/12/2009 page8)