Really, I did try to follow the advise in the many women's magazines, that I have to read for work to act lady-like.

Such efforts are part of my show of support to my city, which is going to step magnificently into international limelight next year at the opening of the 2010 Shanghai World Expo in May.

In learning from the many Miss Manner advises, one word that constantly springs to my attention is "elegance".

In short, women should live as elegant a life as those ladies in Jane Austen's books, but they should also be tough as men in Saving Private Ryan.

Since I don't have enough money to refresh my wardrobe to meet the prescribed dressing code and I dread high heels, I decided to start lifting my "lady index" by improving my personality, which I found to be less costly and easier to do.

Among the many self-improvement books I bought was one by Korean monk Fa Ding, who lived in an isolated mountain for years and wrote many beautiful poems to purify people's heart.

Every night, when I read "white moon, white sky and white mountain" (snowing night) I felt myself calming down and decided to maintain a peaceful and loving attitude at all times.

But it's just wishful thinking. As soon as I step out into the streets of Shanghai, my peaceful state of existence melts away, replaced by a steely heart and stern countenance ready to do battle with the multitude of fiends trying to block me from buses and subway trains and push me off the pavements to feed the motorized sharks roaring by.

Something worse happened recently in the subway, where some people are always rushing into a train before those who want to can get out.

When a train stopped at People's Square, I found the multitude of exciting faces waiting on the platform hadn't left any space for me to get out.

When the gate opened, a middle-aged woman tried to squeeze into the train, oblivious of the many passengers who wanted to get out.

It took me a fraction of a second to decide what to do. I stretched my fists and tried my best to push her aside, forgetting all the nice poems I had read.

I was ready for the woman to shout at me, but surprisingly, she didn't. She was too busy preparing for her second attempt. Such scenes are enacted throughout the day, on streets and buses and in the tube - in fact almost everywhere.

So where's the time to dress and act like a society lady? If you ask me: "Do you want to attend office in formals and high heels everyday, and change into an evening dress to attend a party after work?" My answer would be "yes".

But that's not the real life of a real woman in a real world - that's Barbie.

To be honest, sometimes when I cannot get a cab even after waiting for half an hour, when I have tons of work to finish by the weekend, or when I need to wait timelessly in a long queue to buy a movie ticket, I wish I could live in Barbie's world.

Feminists may get angry with me for even thinking of living a stupid Barbie life?

Women are catching up with men in every field; they are even better in some.

Still, they are expected to do more. Economist Gary Becker and jurist Richard Posner say in their joint blog that women achieve less than men because of their physiological choice. Women need to give birth and take care of the family.

But that is not entirely true any longer, for more and more women are refusing to go the family way in order to further their career.

In another few years, perhaps men will start feeling inferior because women can do everything they can and something more.

Someone has realized the dearth of "ladies" in Shanghai, and started "lady training classes" in the city. But is their a place for a Austen's ladies in today's competitive world?

(China Daily 07/24/2009 page9)