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Gifts for lovers

Mariah Carey albums

One of the songs is called Thank God I Found You. I have this nightmare where Mariah charges up to me and warbles this line. Then she follows me around all day. Everywhere I go, there’s this noise like a clown is about to topple off a box, but every time I look round, it’s just Mariah going through her falset gurn. One of us must die.

Available: BB01, Fab, New Oriental Plaza, Wangfujing, Dongcheng

Cost: 24-89 yuan

Scarf

Knit one, buy one, either way it shows you don’t want your lover to get a chapped neck.

Available: F/4, Ebase, Grand Pacific (Juntai) Shopping Center, Xidan, Xicheng

Cost: 129 yuan

Gifts for friends

Brother Bear's pal

What the hell is this? I suppose you could sit on it. Or bitch-slap someone, gently. Or you could talk to it, when faces aren't listening.

Available: B/1, Yaxiu Clothing Market, Sanlitun, Chaoyang

Cost: 29 yuan for small ones, 54 yuan for big ones

Curved spoons

This is my friends gift to me. Every time you stir your coffee with this you should bear in mind, this spoo is 'not straight'. Neither is my friend.

Available: No 54, Chengfulu Road, Wudaokou, Haidian

Cost: 34 yuan

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