Drivers try to squeeze into every available crack, regardless of marked lanes or traffic islands. Indicator lights are probably the least used accessory in the car, and you need to be totally vigilant because you never know when the car in front will swerve left, right, cut across four lanes or simply stop mid-lane as the driver contemplates his next move.

Zebra crossings are mostly ignored and bicycle lanes only to be used as short cuts when the main thoroughfare is packed bumper to bumper. As for traffic islands and emergency lanes, they are temporary inconveniences which serve no purpose otherwise.

Other hazards include huge bendy buses that you have to give way to by law, kamikaze pedestrians who range from little old ladies with poodles skipping alongside on a leash to the elderly infirm in wheelchairs that whiz along the traffic's edge, especially near the hospitals that dot every neighborhood.

There are also the rare horse and donkey carts that plod Beijing's outer ring roads overladen with seasonal peaches, persimmons or watermelons.

On the bright side, Beijing traffic is precious training ground for anger management and cultivating patience.

The Chinese may be notorious for cutting queues on land, but on four wheels or more, there is nothing to do but crawl along in grid-locked traffic, especially during peak hours which may range from 7 in the morning to 10 o'clock at night.

Razor-edged elbows don't work here.

Road rage may inflict the mildest of the mild-mannered, but every driver soon learns to contain rising anger and ignore other drivers whose only purpose in life is to show you their brake lights.

It is often said that Beijing endearingly advertises what it lacks most on rich red banners hung on the side of pedestrian bridges across the highways.

"Learn from Lei Feng, practice civility and good manners on the road."

"Chaoyang district. We advocate culture, compassion and civilized behavior."

Sadly, most drivers are too busy looking for that crack in the traffic to look up and learn. Maybe bumper stickers will work better.

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