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Listen, understand and care
The video images are shocking. Apparently without provocation, a teenage girl in a school uniform is viciously attacked after being cornered by a gang of schoolmates. In a senseless act of out-of-control youth violence, she is caught up in a frenzied maelstrom of kicks and punches. She does her best to melt into the wall, but ends up a battered child, crying on the floor.
It's not an image from a movie, just another sad case of school violence in China, this time at a Shenzhen middle school. Other students stand by watching, uttering wild shouts, and doing nothing to come to their fellow student's aid. A second video shows a similar attack, this time on an innocent boy. What causes such behaviour? Youthful frustration? Adolescent angst? Haywire hormones? No one knows for certain. Primate researchers have observed that even chimpanzees in the jungle attack one another. Fortunately the 1 per cent difference between these evolutionary cousins and us means we've developed a higher intelligence and so have the ability to control such violent impulses. Yet among the young, without our intervention and understanding, outbursts can occur. Child psychologists agree that the key to preventing such actions are listening and communicating. But are we doing a good job, especially in China? It appears not. A recent experiment in Beijing is an example. It came at a seminar two weekends ago where parents were able to observe their children in a setting without their children being aware they were being watched. Wang Yiyi was stunned to see her 9-year-old daughter giggling and chatting happily with other kids and asking questions of a UNICEF official during a "news conference". It was as if the mother saw a child she did not know. "She looks totally different at home. I'm always worried that she is too quiet and likes to play alone," the lawyer told China Daily. "But today I got a fresh impression of my daughter who I had thought I quite understood." Other parents, too, made such astonishing discoveries during the event known as Children's Express, designed to help kids from eight to 18 express themselves by writing their opinions. The programme was begun in the United States back in 1975 and has spread to other countries. The concept has been welcomed by China over the past few years ago. The Soong Ching Ling Foundation and UNICEF introduced it in Beijing, Shandong and Jiangsu provinces, with 40 children enrolled in the two-day event. The kids launched their own news website to report their work. Charles Rycroft, UNICEF China's communications office chief, said a tradition of parents not communicating with their children has existed for a long time in China. As a result, Chinese kids learn early to "choose to keep a distance from their parents, while many parents actually ignore the (communication) problem." "Chinese children need more encouragement and tutorship on how to express themselves," he said. You can see this all around you. I watched a mother and her son at a pizza restaurant a few weeks ago. The child was a little boy about seven or eight. While he was enjoying his pizza and the experience in the restaurant, he obviously craved attention. During the hour he ate at the same table with his mother, not one word was uttered between the two. Not one. Sadly, I have witnessed this phenomenon again and again in China. Parents - who struggle mightily in today's tough economy - apparently feel it is fine to provide for their children, and that is good enough. Yet it is not. And it seems the parents in the weekend programme sessions - as they observed their children - started to realize this, that their interaction with their children was lacking. Some, like Wang, admitted they rarely listen to their children or take what they said seriously. Indeed, an 8-year-old in the course described his mother as being like a big, fierce cat who often forces him to do something he doesn't want to do. Hardly someone a child would want to talk with. China has more than 340 million children under the age of 18. It's certainly not surprising that a few, boiling inside, with no particular place to vent their rage and no one listening to them, would occasionally lash out as those who attacked their classmates. As wrong as that behaviour is, it's time to realize why this happens and do something about it. It's time for us to stop and talk to a kid, maybe that quiet teen in your neighbourhood who seems so unhappy. Ask him or her what they're thinking. Listen, understand and
care
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