Before my engagement party started, we deposited some paraphernalia in our hotel room (801) - the number eight being symbolic of good luck. For two harrowing hours, I was left alone with my prospective mother-in-law.

Since I am only able to speak a few fragments of Mandarin, I was somewhat apprehensive at first, but it is amazing how far several words, coupled with several hand flourishes, can go. For example, while getting dressed for the party, I asked my fianc's mother whether I should wear socks or pantyhose. I pointed at my feet and asked haishi ("or"), then made a sweeping motion up my legs to signify pantyhose.

My dress was like something out of Piet Mondrian, with red, white, and black stripes. I bought the dress in China expressly for this occasion because my dark velvet gown was considered too somber.

Then our party started (to be followed by our big fat Chinese wedding in 2010, just in time for the World Expo). We strode into the party room, which was decorated with the double-luck icon and showers of colorful balloons.

I greeted the army of relatives, foremost among them the "back aunt". We gave her that nickname because she sets great store by good posture; she could win an Olympic gold in that discipline. For days, I had to perfect my posture, or ting.

Upon greeting this particular aunt, the matriarch of the Zhu family, she led me about the room, setting an excellent example by walking very straight. At one point, she even rubbed her back against a pillar, cat-like. I tried to follow her lead and stalked around with ting. That broke the ice.

Next we were handed gifts - among them, surprise! - a red lacquer box with the omnipresent double-luck symbol on it, also two Smurf-like Haibao figures.

Finally, it was time to eat. As usual, people started to appraise my chopstick skills, and I tried my best to stay cool and not let my lotus drop. During the meal, my fianc and I had to pose for photos with every subdivision of his large family and give impromptu speeches.

I made a public confession of how much I still needed to learn about Chinese culture, such as when and where to deposit my shoes, and thanked everyone for warmly welcoming a laowai (foreigner).

While I was working away at the microphone, the meal continued: Chinese are very interested in the culinary arts; food is the focal point of life here (with good reason - the food is delicious!). In the background, strains of Elvis Presley, then the Titanic theme song.

I became more relaxed after I did a ganbei with "back aunt" and emptied my whole glass of wine. One little girl followed suit with her soy milk.

After our exchange of platinum rings and another impromptu speech, it was time to cut the pineapple cake, which prophesied: "100 years together and happy every day!" This was the first time I had seen people eat cake with chopsticks, and believe me, it is possible and pleasant.

Upon leaving, each guest received not one, but (for luck) two bars of Rittersport chocolate, slightly warped by the Shanghai heat. I had flown the chocolate in from Frankfurt.

(China Daily 09/09/2008 page20)