World

Do 'Tiger Moms' make the best parents?

By Patrick Mattimore (chinadaily.com.cn)
Updated: 2011-04-22 08:56

First, Chua is using the terms "Chinese mothers" and "Western parents" loosely. The Tiger Mother/Chinese Mother can be found in many cultures and is not exclusive within any culture. Western parenting, i.e. encouraging a child's individuality/creativity, is not confined to the West and may be becoming a more predominant phenomenon in China, particularly with the adoption of China's family planning policy, which some have concluded is producing more self-centered emperors and empresses.

The Tiger Mother has high expectations for her children and is not afraid to push them. She sets clear goals and does not allow the child to deviate from them or dictate new ones. Tiger moms are consistently involved with their children and, according to studies, spend ten times as long each day as Western moms drilling the kids.

Chinese mothers believe that children won't work naturally at something until they become good at it and that it is the duty of mothers to force the children to work.

To a Tiger Mother, childhood is a training period, an investment in the future.

If a child fails (or doesn't succeed well enough) the Chinese mother believes the answer is that both parent and child must work harder to do better the next time.

Unlike in the West where children are encouraged to experiment and develop their own individual talents, Chinese parents believe the child is an extension of oneself. Chinese parents believe they know what is best for their children and therefore override the child's preferences. Chua concludes that it may come down to a matter of choice. Westerners believe in allowing children a large measure of freedom to choose their own paths while the Chinese parent makes choices for her children.

Trying to untangle Chinese mothering and Western parenting and pick one style of raising a child or the other as the exclusively right way is ultimately a fool's errand. Certainly, there are elements from both that are worth adopting. Parents can be consistent without being inflexible. They can have high expectations and demand that children work hard without setting up gulag conditions. They can listen and adapt to their children without giving up control or responsibility for raising them.

In the final analysis, Amy Chua has provided readers with a provocative memoir about how she raised her daughters. Certainly, her ideas are worth considering and many are worth adopting. However, no parent should believe that Tiger Mothers have infallible blueprints for raising successful children. Parents still need to chart their own course and be prepared to vary the course according to the needs of each child.

Patrick Mattimore is a fellow at the American-based Institute for Analytic Journalism and an adjunct law instructor at Tsinghua/Temple Law School LLM Program in Beijing.