It is reported that grooms-to-be in Heze, Shandong province have to pay gift money of up to 136,000 yuan ($21,583) when they get engaged, which is far more than ordinary families can afford. Such a custom has undermined the foundation of marriage, says an article on qianlong.com. Excerpts:

Marriage should be based on a solid emotional foundation instead of on money. The first impression the high "engagement fee" gives people is that daughters have become their parents' cash cows.The high gift money may break up those who actually are in love if the man is unable to raise such a high amount. Parents in Heze should think twice about this custom and not trade their daughters' happiness for money.

Such a practice also distorts people's view of marriage and their values as they will have to keep up with other families. These unhealthy views will certainly lead to twisted values not conducive to the healthy development of society.

An emotional foundation is the key to a happy marriage. The amount of engagement money should not be driven by blind comparison with others, but at rational level dependent on the economic circumstances of the prospective groom.

(China Daily 04/25/2012 page9)