Sgt. 1st Class Shawn Christopher Dostie died as 2005 came to a close. An
improvised explosive device, like those that have killed many soldiers in Iraq,
detonated near his Humvee in Baghdad while on patrol.
His wife, Stephanie, was home with her two children, savoring the changes the
coming of a new year brings. Then she heard the news.
"We had all these plans together, and now none of that is going to happen,"
she says, her voice still raw with emotion a few months after her husband, a
soldier in the 101st Airborne Division's 2nd Brigade, was killed during an
insurgent attack in Baghdad on Dec. 30.
For Dostie, the aftermath of losing a husband to war is still unfolding. She
has seen women who have survived, watched as other families recovered and moved
on. She sees them at grief support groups she has begun attending.
But to her and her children, there are too many questions yet unanswered to
move on.
Her oldest son, Cameron, 8, peppers teachers with questions. Why did his dad
have to die? Why did God let it happen? He pleads with them to know what it was
like that day, what his father was feeling. "Was daddy happy or sad?" he asks.
His mother has heard the questions countless times.
"I've run out of answers," she said, the exhaustion clear in her voice.
Maybe they need a change, she thinks. Dostie has debated returning to the
woods of Lewiston, Maine, where her husband's family lives.
It's just so hard to live around soldiers.
She said she feels like an impostor on streets where wives see their husbands
come home at night. It's painful to see families reunited every afternoon when
hers will never be.
"This was the life we had together," she said. "I don't belong here anymore."
