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Humor Joke 幽默笑話

中國日報網英語點津為您精選語言地道的英語笑話，開心學英語。

親愛的，沒什么新鮮事

2011-08-10 10:52
A history teacher and his wife were sitting at a table, the wife asked: “Anything new at work?” He replied: “no, I am teaching History.”

青蛙

2011-08-05 09:58
The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, “Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket.” He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich.

左耳進右耳出

2011-08-04 10:37
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"

為什么沒有牡蠣

2011-08-03 09:35
Customer: Waiter, I can't find any oysters in this oyster stew. Waiter: Well, you wouldn't expect to find any angels in an angel food cake, would you?

2011-08-02 11:13
Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, the pretty girl said, “I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per meter,” replied the male clerk with a smirk.

我帶了面罩

2011-07-21 09:07
She says: “Yes, that is him. I saw him clear as day. I’d remember his face anywhere.” At which point, the defendant bursts out, “You couldn’t see my face, lady. I was wearing a mask!”

釣魚

2011-07-20 08:48
He told the fish salesman, “Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?” “Why do you want me to throw them at you?” “Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them.”

你擦鞋了嗎

2011-07-19 08:44
“If you’re going to work here young man,” said the boss, “the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm.”

謊報年齡

2011-07-18 11:25
Without pausing, Emily's mother said, "Twenty-four." Emily, 35, nearly fainted on the spot.

現代藝術

2011-07-11 09:50
The head teacher was taking her class round an art gallery. She stopped in front of one exhibit, and sneered at the guide, "I suppose that is some kind of modern art?"

站不住腳

2011-07-08 08:53
He was taken to surgery, where, due to an administrative error, the good leg was amputated. The mistake was discovered while the man was in the recovery room, so he was taken back into surgery and the bad leg also amputated.

一只鸚鵡

2011-07-07 09:09
A guy buys a parrot. Every morning he stands in front of the cage and asks in a pleasant voice "Can you talk?" This goes on for weeks with absolutely no response from the bird.

最后的請求

2011-07-06 08:40
Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request.

給錢就行

2011-07-04 08:46
"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you a half-owner of a profitable corporation, but you don't like factories and won't work in an office. What am I going to do with you?"

空座位

2011-06-29 17:32
"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. What a shame. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

還是？

2011-06-28 12:32
A man comes to his doctor and tells him that his wife hasn't had sex with him for 6 months. The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.

分享所有

2011-06-23 13:04
As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them.

打錯了

2011-06-22 09:16
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about thirty minutes, and then she hung up. "Wow!" said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

委婉提醒

2011-06-21 11:10
Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, "Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?"

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